Sunday, January 1, 2012

The Hungry Salesman and President Aardvark's Declaration of War

President American Aardvark's Declaration of War 

Today, President Aardvark officially declared War against Meth-Amphetamine.  Here is a text of his declaration.

"Mr. Kabanuga Gabanuga, Mr. Hungry Salesman, Mr. Ape Gone Postal, members of the Critter Posse and my fellow critters:: Since September 30th, 2006 - years which will live in infamy - the District of Critters has deliberately been attacked by Mexican Drug Cartels and their production and importation of high-potency meth-amphetamine. Additionally, the inventions of "shake and bake, one-pot" meth production and one-stop meth shop Walmart retail outlets have resulted in an increase of dangerous meth-related incidents. The facts of the past five years speak for themselves. The citizens of the District of Critters have already formed their opinions and well understand the implications to the very life and safety of our world. As Commander-in-Chief of the Critter Posse I have directed that all measures be taken for our defense, that always will our whole district remember the character of the onslaught against us. No matter how long it may take us to overcome this premeditated invasion, the District of Critters populace, in their righteous might, will win through to absolute victory. I believe that I interpret the will of the Critter Posse and of the critters when I assert that we will not only defend ourselves to the uttermost but will make it very certain that this form of treachery shall never again endanger us. Hostilities exist. There is no blinking at the fact that our critters, our territory and our interests are in grave danger. With confidence in our Critter Posse, with the unbounding determination of our critters, we will gain the inevitable triumph. So help us God. I ask that the Critter Posse declare that since the unprovoked and dastardly attack by Meth, a state of war has existed between the District of Critters and the Mexican Drug Cartels as well as Walmart."

President American Aardvark - January 1, 2012